Self-published in The Village Voice Literary Supplement, from 1992 to 1995.
All of life’s answers are in the dark, but the dark is as much unhuman as it is human.
Only a writer or (artist) can make romance out of insanity.
The revolution is in a sensitive perception, Understanding is its voice.
To understand, is to understand, understanding.
No matter how far and deep I travel in thought, I never want to forget the beauty of love.
In debating morality after his long term suffering, he became emotionally stronger, yet he became too aware of himself (consciousness). At this point aren’t strength and weaknesses just ridiculous words?
The only thing I want to prove right now, is that any man is capable of falling apart.
Being open and honest is such a sad weakness to expose to man, And yet such a great strength you will have to suffer with.
Memory is one of the most divine appreciativeness of affection, One always seems to take for granted what he has now.
Art is dying, Unless you speak with a commercial tongue.
It is (usually) difficult to take commercialism, that tries to speak through the heart. To be valued any more than propaganda.
Morality is a philosophical question, in which one is placed, stood, stands, or winds up.
Is losing one’s self such a horrible crime against humanity, or is it the ridiculous animal in man that preys against the defenseless?
The artist feels (suffers) the victimization of a society. The common values or some type of morality a society breathes. The hope seems to lie within our process of history. History proves that mankind is flexible, and is destined to change. I am optimistic that man will become a more understanding and tolerable human being. But paradoxically, he will lack depth.
It is difficult to hold onto the profoundness of liberal ideals; (very saddened) when you share the world with such a ridiculous, vicious animal such as man. The right-wing values I worshipped as a younger man seem to be haunting me more than ever. After a ponder over this shallow effect, Is it just time for a good liberal cry!
It is the crimes of the everyday man, that structures a platform for the horrifying crimes that reflect our society.
Beauty is the divinity; Beauty is the ultimate sin.
Why does man always have to answer a question to society?
Everyone and everything is a necessity to our society. “What an obscene truth.”
Anything but a slow change for society can be drastic; It is difficult for an individual to transform from extremes without the presentation of madness.
Evil can only be in a sense, as far as unreasonable, harmful human behavior, rather than a mythical force of darkness. In further viewing our debate with depth, we can admire this point, but would still have to declare it an absurdity. With sarcasm and a toast to absurdity, for the sake of simplicity, mercy, and a tender society, can we conclude evil to explain the unaccepted consequences that affect our society.
Brutality is the most horrifying evil that exists in society.
What is godly or heavenly is understood much better in a sensitive perception.
The emotion of guilt is godly. The separative effect is the devil.
Sometimes I feel like I lost too much humanity, to say anything what so ever.
Yet the distance of my existence doesn’t seem to give me much choice.
I remember such a beautiful love, That I can’t be to let go of.
The social connection gives one the identity of what they are in the reality of the position they stand (A secure place in routine).
The thinker gives one the reality of who they are, and also an isolated existence.
Who seems to be more essential
But what carries more power
In a society that is shallow, with a brutal mentality, where conformity in all absurdness appears as a lynching mob to destroy the who – The artist stands at a distance and his conscious paints the line.
In all comprehension of place, memory, and human connection, the outside debates his disappointment in people for the desperateness of their love.
While peeping out from the underground, finding it very difficult to swallow, Nothing seems to make a man feel more a part of society, as a warm smile and a comforting hug. Oh how I need one so soon!
Although, It is difficult when the consciousness somehow dictates one’s life.
Even the most intelligent men will remain lost in their darkness.
In spite of their depth, reasoning, creating, or even romanticism.
One only seems to find true light through human connection, whether in relating, affection or just acceptance.
I must admit, I find that conclusion to have a shallow disappointment.
Although, His desperateness or even his separateness may cause him to be a fool or even a bit strange, surrounding affection will bring a tear to his eye.
Man should really ease his mind, when it comes to the unknown. Such as ghosts or space aliens. For man can never be faced with a stranger alien than a woman.
In all seriousness, I truly believe, That without a woman’s movement; There can be no real human movement. We must also recognize that with women’s rights also comes men’s rights. A man should have no social manly responsibility more than being himself. Anything expected more than that can be considered sexist or out of place forwardness.
John Merrick was never an animal, He was always much more than a man.
1994 and the issues of homosexuality, still seem to be at a distant gasp. I’m not quite sure how to conclude this thought. Except to say that I would like it recognized that I have a strong concern and support for the gay community.
Politics are necessary to offer a society conditions that should be liveable, It is up to the artist to change the world!
Do I really believe in man enough to make such a statement?
I do have hope in the progress of evolution. THAT IT WILL EVOLVE, BEYOND MAN’S BRUTAL MENTALITY. Another thought, another step closer to evolution. I guess I can be funny at times.
I (satan) sat in my room alone and drunk as usual, When I had a vision of divine beauty, I saw the drag queens marching down my street. They came to announce social freedom.
The artist presentation, of sensitive issues on social freedom. Ponders the question whether man will take advantage of such freedom? Such as the artist questions, his own human side.
The consciousness between two extremes can be questioned as genius. The consciousness between two extremes is an absurd paradox.
No matter how far, how deep, how intelligent,
A man seeks approval.
No matter how distant, how much he ignores,
A man seeks approval.
I choose to be alone,
I share the world with you,
I am not me without you.
But how I want you, to see the me,
Beyond, your own you.
The Artist carries the presentation, of stating the truth.
Carrying the fears of tradition, customs, and especially family.
To stand alone, not just with consciousness, But with actual fact.
Distance, distance, And yet I still try to hold on.
I can feel myself,
But I cannot see myself.
Or am I just too afraid
To witness the emptiness
I cry at the truth
I want to bring beauty,
To the world.
I want to curse at brutality
I want to see a day,
When every man can be himself
I find it so necessary,
The more distant
The more separated
I feel the need to announce
It’s so necessary
To declare my love
For the fools of the world
Tenderness, hopelessness, we strive to go on
For love, for love,
I feel so hopeless before it all
The day someone don’t count in a humanity,
Is the day there is no humanity
I’m sick and tired of your lies.
I’m tired of being sweet and smiling so you can see me as something more than just the anti-Christ.
I’m tired of the games between the sexes
Why it’s so damn difficult to be your self
And the propaganda in women’s magazine about how the nice guy is in.
Openness and honesty, is some type of secret joke.
Respectability and decency confuse the same meaning.
Modern art has become incredibly interesting and creative, but lacks any real depth.
It’s run by stuffed shirts, who bend over backward to please a ridiculous public.
I’m tired of it all!
I want nothing more than to watch thunder storm over the ocean,
And toast to the absurd.
I consider myself to be too great of a man to have to put another person down to make myself feel better.
I want to take on the whole fuckin’ world.
And to finish it off,
America has been complaining about too much violence.
They want to take away a culture market,
And make it a commercial market.
To join other ridiculous children’s shows
Most of them worship brutality, and give a speech about how bad violence is
In a brutal society violence is a necessity, and so is chaos.
No wonder when you grow up, people that are different are treated as second class citizens.
And why America processes the biggest brats around
The child feared as he saw the offensive woman taking care of the sick man, but yet felt an embarrassed excitement when he heard her curse.
the accused – a concept piece
The day to day shame, has erased his face.
As he watched in horror, at his name burning with disgrace.
Be careful who you look at, you don’t want to give anyone the wrong idea.
Have you kept track of each moment of the day, so you have an alibi in case a horrible crime has been committed.
Try to ignore the screams and obscenities they shout at you.
Mob mentality is the curse of a community
When one shows no concern of offensiveness,
He’s accused of having no values!
When one suffers over his values, he’s exposed!
I want to know why a man can’t put his head down, without everyone jumping on it?
It appears that the most horrible crime a man can commit, is to lose himself.
During separation, and different levels of self discovery
even when one feels he has discovered the most beautiful feelings in the world.
The mind still somehow becomes criminal.
Feeling the shame of hurting the people you love.
afraid of letting people in, and no longer fitting to a world he loved and felt such a part of
The criminal mind can cause one to feel like the criminal, yet live as the victim.
What separates the criminal mind, from the criminal, is the same as other great thinkers have said about what separates man from animal? (the conscious) although I feel sarcastic skepticisim on that last line.
The sensitive man understands the criminal mind, even more than the criminal himself, due to his understanding of day to day brutality. And his guilt ridden fantasies of vengeance and revenge.
Faces in my windows eyeballs on my walls reflects the guilt I feel for leaving you all.
THE PROGRESS OF EVOLUTION ON HUMANITY
May we try our best to prevent the amount of people, that fall through the cracks of our society.
May every person feel comfortable and special in just being themselves.
May the stories of the different, offer you a lesson to ease your mind.
May every gay teenager realize they are not alone.
May the drag queens continue to march, offering us a beautiful sight of social freedom.
The success story promotes such a popular slogan,
For we see man as a doer – more than a feeler or thinker.
(In popular value – respect or admire)
Time continues
I’m absorbed
At night
In the dark
I’m frightfully alive
Passing by
Life
Holding on
Realistically
Converting with distance
Trying to make something work
Something real
Honest
Cpmforting
And fulfilling
Underground
It’s too dark in here
I’m afraid of the light
Or do I just look weird
Touch me
And don’t let my eyes offend you
I’m trying in the everyday world
I just feel safer with a pen
Evolution really seems to be the only actual fact of revolution
It exhibits the actual change of mankind
There were time periods when revolution actually stood out with extreme exposure
I feel that the 1960’s was the greatest revolution that appeared in history. Never before were so many issues brought forth to the public consciousness, of course many people followed the time as a fad and went with the flow. But overall I feel it made such a great impact on history.
The lonely artist spent many nights alone, reaching into the dark, trying to present concerned beauty for the world. Yet, he spent many nights wondering if a pair of warm arms comforting him that night, was as meaningfull as anything else.
Suffering for cause is usually a personal admiration.
Society is somehow offended by the vision of an individual hurting.
Yet, they would be more offended if you didn’t hurt over (offensive) behavior.
The lonely cry for love; lingers in silence.
A yearning heart discovers beauty, a full heart discovers happiness.
The success lies in what we get out of life
The humanity lies in what we give to life
Reaching out for understanding,
Ponders the question of challenging the rules or following the rules.
Customs, values and politics structure a livable guide for a society
Yet it is the emotions of individuals that breathe life into it.
The desperateness of a man is oh so touching,
And yet oh so painful.
To give during suffering, is the divine act of art.
Modern intellectalism carries no depth; just witty critics.
Oh the tragedy, how life can suffer the lonely heart.
Oh tragedy, how one has to depend on the caring of surrounding people, to comfort his lonely heart.
If there were to be an overall morality, that existed,
It should not consist in judging behavior that is different,
But, in the sad concern for those of us who lost their way.
Sometimes a way of life, doesn’t consist of choice,
Just effects and circumstances.
I have drifted upon such a distance, and we testify, that sometimes it’s useless to try.
But, I still find it sad when I
See someone who has given up.
THE QUESTION OF DIVINE ABSURDNESS!
How such a sweet and sensitive man
Can feel and be treated as such an evil monster?
What lurks outside our social boundaries,
hides the fear of being an individual.
The shame of how far one has gone into the dark,
Ponders the question how much one should talk about?
Lost and alone
Yet surrounded by people
Who yearn, the same basic comforts
I do
Reaching out, trying not to show too much desperation
I want so much to be open and honest
But, it’s not too comfortable for most people to hear
It’s even a bit uneasy telling loved ones
how you really feel
You don’t want to disappoint anyone or make them less proud.
One’s values are the structure of one’s sanity
When one’s values are torn from him, one’s sanity should be questioned.
The suffering over structured values (meanings) does fade with time. But the consciousness holds an inescapable haunting shadow – that leaves you screaming for chaos, mind toxics, prostitutes, anything for temporary relief.
The horror in having control of madness!
The horror in being conscious of one’s insanity!
I want so much to reach everyone’s guide and limits of what strength and weakness is, and let them in on this moral valued joke – That it concludes to be nothing more than a paradox. But there is something more than all this bullshit (just care, just care a little more than you already do).
Sometimes I wish I could lose every bit of control and concern I have; I find it so necessary to be the most offensive son of a bitch I can be.
Art the profound defect
The arist has no home
belongs to no community
just a day to day dark exile
people go through different stages
as a part of their maturity.
During a time in darkness,
the artist reaches a point of consciousness
that he realizes he could never be the same again.
A beautiful moral experience
that you actually feel guilty about.
Being an artist is usually something that finds you,
it’s not always a choice
I feel such a distance from friends and loved ones
I care for them so deeply
but, I always feel like I’m corrupting their lives
On certain occasions, especially when I’m drinking
I would get silly and foolish
and tell them how special they are to me
and wake up the next morning knowing everything is still ok.
When all else fails, there’s always the absurd
When you’re sick and tired of all the assholes that surround you there’s always the absurd
through the tears and smiles, every glass of wine, and every time you sat on the toilet,
there’s always the absurd
In a society that is guilty,
The absurd concludes with profound depth
Is it possible that a writer could say something,
that shouldn’t be said.
The horror of telling the truth
The absurd can be the simple ridiculous and yet what really stems beyond tortured meanings
The haunting memories of old traditions,
that I loved so much
I can’t bear to look back anymore
I can not bear to look back anymore
It may be sound or be sadistic –
But can it somehow be necessary that even the most decent man, feel the guilt that the most horrible criminal could never feel himself. To better understand the different levels of a society and to realize the importance and rights of every single individual. No, the decent man should not have to go through any of that shit, but when a society worships a brutal mentailty the decent man is capable of feeling those thoughts.