In My Room I Lie
In my room I lie with my face to the floor,
Bad memories echo through the door,
Noises from outside spook my pride,
Oh please, just let me hide.
Humility and pain have made their claim,
Your false rumors have given me shame.
When you blamed me then my head was down,
Judgment from others made me frown.
On the ground I roam around.
A tortured love is all around,
Time is now an empty stage,
In the fear of shame I lost my name.
In my room I make my stand,
My confession is in your hands.
Faces in my windows,
Eyeballs on my walls,
Reflects the guilt I feel
For leaving you all.
The Inspiration of Lady Angela
Once upon a darkest time,
There was a woman who made me shine.
When there was nobody there,
I wished upon to bring her here.
Many nights I sat alone,
My dreams of her kept me whole.
When I couldn’t help by cry,
My thoughts of her wiped them dry.
And when I wished that I could die,
Hoping I would find her made me shine.
Ugly
Whether thy feel,
Whether thy look,
Heads tilt down
With a frown look.
Empty days,
Dreary nights,
Sadness has become
A way of life.
Nobody looks inside of me,
They don’t understand how I feel.
There is much I’d like to tell them,
If they would only lend a heart and ear.
Waiting A Distance
Their presence seemed so distant
A long cry for help
A dreamy scenario where,
I stood alone
I bled for their love
Cursed by their crimes
affected by their fears
I searched for emotion
My body seemed to shiver with guilt
I sensed, my face giving me away
A nervous smile quivering,
waiting for vacant time to pass away
Pass away, Fade away, Away
Good-bye Hello, Away
Just Another Day at Home
Responsibility from my outside world,
Invading my private depression.
Everyday I sit at home, alone,
Escaping all the pressure.
I really don’t feel like getting up,
But it’s time to empty the ashtray.
I figure while I’m doing that,
I’ll grab a glass of soda.
Make my way back and cuddle on the couch.
There just doesn’t seem to be any rush.
I dream of all the things I want to do,
Just don’t have it in me anymore
To make things happen.
Dreaming gives me hope;
Makes me believe that all the things
I want to do are still real.
Haven’t Forgotten
As if time was just a resting place
For slow disconnection
Memory witnesses you were there
Once pools of meaning
Tears covered by dry dirt
Left behind on this strange journey
As I continue
Questions arise
Must I always remember
To keep meaning alive
Those Times I Saw You Seem Like a Dream
Those times I saw you seem like a dream
Many years trapped
Surrounded by horror
I screamed your name
Where are you
I’m not well enough to search
To tell you secrets of a lost life
To hold you as heaven, as I breathe an image of marvel
Shame, and guilty thoughts control my head
Your memory was something warm and innocent
I finally found you
I was unbearable towards my quest
I spoke with manners and apology
I just had no control
For years I longed for this moment
(I wanted to die for so long
And you were the only inspiration I had)
Is something I’ll never forget I said
You shook, tried to escape
But always heard me out
(Deep down you wanted me there
But not in full responsibility)
I changed, You changed
We really didn’t know each other anymore
I spaced out a time of four conquests
To try and win your heart
I still go over in my head
Each moment and everything I said
And three years later
Those times I saw you seem like a dream
The Rapture
I was taken back
A vulnerable state
A message of kindness,
had approached
Your smile, My tears
Disconnected from the everyday social flow
The time I drifted
The years I lost
Your presence, Your warmth
Invite, Enchant, Capture
Oh my forgotten trust, Awake
Allow me to release
To open up
I will give upon to gentle
An Underground Man
An underground man
Watching his fading years
Observes more than he participates.
Don’t say my name so loud!
I’m still not sure if I belong,
Need more time-to ease my mind,
To reason and realize,
It’s been so long.
I want to participate at home
(to their responsible value of reality
In some kind of odd sense).
The effect of my wounds
Still keeps my head down,
Not left with much room to let things in.
I still keep trying,
Just to grow more tired,
keep myself going.
I create in my own world.
Just so misunderstood.
“He’s lazy,”
“He’s a bum,”
“A druggie,”
“A drunk,”
An underground man
Waiting in existence.
Waiting for,
Waiting,
Waiting for his time to come.
Love
Announced to be profound,
Essence of joy,
Sadness absorbed,
A wishful answer to all.
Given to the selfish,
Taken but ignored,
Used by abusers,
With no understanding at all.
Absence for the loners,
Guilt on their wall,
Who wait patient
for love to call.
Unfair justice
Blind to see,
You use the love
I wish to see.
If you wonder
Where love is found,
Distant passages
Where wounds bleed.
On the passage you will see
Lonely people blinded by the love.
You see.
Love is the light that shines
Through the darkness of life.
A Search in Question
The every day began to irritate
I needed to step away
And face myself alone
I wandered off
Drifting aimlessly
The pavement was easy to walk
A little weary I stopped to rest
In the light sand I found truth
Rested and inspirational of my discovery
I countinued to wander
The clouds were moving
The world was turning
I wandered till the sand felt heavy
I recognized the spot I rested before
I reached my hand in the sand it felt more heavy
There was a different truth
Confused and puzzled I wandered around
The clouds kept moving
The world kept turning
Afraid of the spot with a different truth
I wandered with all my strength
Every value I was taught, seemed questionable
There was too much exhausting me
I needed a safe place to rest
The clouds were moving
The world kept turning
The pavement got heavier
Rocks and mud mixed with heavy sand
In the distance I saw water
The nice cool fresh water
That’s where I’ll rest
Mercy it was fresh
I was drinking the water of reason
I glanced back and saw all the truths I had to touch
And saw truths I didn’t touch
I saw the ridge of complexity
The shadows of torment and effect
The clouds were moving
The world kept turning
Well rested I began heading back
A staggering step called thought read
Be careful how far you step
For the next time you drink the water of reason
It may carry a different answer
Purgatory
I stand
Trapped
In an unrecognized
Part of my being
Waiting
For something
To claim me
An answer or direction
Through the dark and light
I attempt sight through this haze
As the past defines my future,
I realize suffering has become my grace
I am trapped
In a distance
That I now can see
But, can’t seem to move forward
I am caught in a time
And only time can set me free
Tender Pages
His head wanders,
as the commotion approaches
His hands shake, at the vision
of judgment eyes.
His legs cripple, At the long distance
past the crowd.
He tries not to look,
he knows his eyes offend.
He’s tired of explaining,
to an unusual silence.
His voice is on tender pages,
for art to keep.
May the graces of literature,
recognize him as an artist.
For his community, only knows him
as a freak